If you have ever heard anyone who is into BDSM talking, you may have no idea what they are discussing, and may have a lot of questions. As with any specialized type of activity, BDSM participants have their own jargon--words that are particular to the culture surrounding the activities. While there is no “exhaustive, all-inclusive” list of vocabulary, there most definitely are common words and phrases that are well known and accepted in the community where these types of acts are experienced. If you have come to this site because you have an interest in bondage, BDSM or anything to do with Dominant and submissive play, then you will most likely need to know some terms to make your experience easier. So, here is a list of basic terms associated with bondage and BDSM. This is in no way a complete list!
AFTERPLAY/AFTERCARE: The period of time following a bondage experience where the Dominant cares for and pampers the submissive to make them feel safe, loved and cared for
AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION: A fairy dangerous type of sexual play where a person chokes themselves or otherwise blocks their airway during the moment of orgasm
BALL GAG / GAG: Restricting the use of the mouth by inserting an object (cloth, panties, ball gag)
BDSM: This is an acronym for
BINDING: Using various mechanisms to bind the arms or legs or both
BLINDFOLDS: General term for anything used to cover the eyes and take away sight
BONDAGE: The act of physically restraining (partially or fully) another person. Genres include: full bondage, rope bondage, genital bondage, chest bondage, Shibari
BOTTOM: In a bondage relationship, the “bottom” is the submissive. In general, sexual terms, the bottom is the one without the power; in gay sexual terms, the “bottom” is the one receiving the insertion
BRAT: A submissive who finds it pleasurable to “fight” against a Dominant in order to receive punishment
BREATH PLAY: A fairy dangerous type of sexual play where a person is choked or their airway is otherwise blocked during the moment of orgasm
CAGING: A large “cage” like a dog cage or pen in which a submissive may be kept
CLAMPS: General term for any pinching or clamping device that can be used on the nipples, scrotum, clitoris, nose, or any other part of the body
COLLAR: Two common definitions for collar include: a large cuff around the neck to restrain a submissive or to lead him/her around like a pet. Or, a collar given to a submissive by a Dominant that signifies that he /she owns that submissive. Being given a collar as a submissive is a great honor and can, in some circumstances, signify a marriage-type situation
CONSENSUAL: Giving full and conscious permission to engage in any activity
CUFFS: Refers to either standard metal handcuffs, wrist/ankle, thigh or arm cuffs which encircle the selected body part and provide a means to restrain the person
DOMINANT (DOM / DOMME): The Dominant (male – Dom, female – Domme) control the submissive sexually, mentally and emotionally. Also termed Master or Mistress
ELECTROPLAY: Various types of sex play that involves differing levels of electric stimulation
EXHIBITIONISM: The act of exposing or engaging in sexual activity in a public place and deriving sexual pleasure from it
FLOGGER: A type of whip that has loose tethers, usually made of leather
KINBAKU: The very intricate and beautiful art of Japanese rope bondage used not only to restrain but to create intricate designs with Japanese aesthetic. This practice leaves imprints on the body when the ropes are removed. Also See: SHIBARI
MISTRESS / MASTER: Female – Mistress and Male – Master are the terms for the “owner” of a submissive or slave
ORGASM PLAY: Refers to any type of play where a person’s orgasm is either forced or withheld
PADDLES: A flat or textured handled device used to spank or punish a submissive. Sometimes hairbrushes can be used as paddles
PROPER POSITION: An agreed upon pose that a submissive must be in during certain situations. Such as kneeling on the floor with hands crossed behind the back
R.A.C.K. – Acronym for Risk-Aware-Consensual-Kink. Basically means that you are engaging in consensual bondage activities
RACK: A bondage table that is fitted with different pulling or stretching mechanisms (such as pulleys) to stretch the person restrained on it
RESTRAINTS: General terms for anything used to tied down or restrain a submissive. Types include: cuffs, tethers, rope, tape, bars, suspension equipment, straight jackets, binders, bondage bags and racks. See MasterKink Restraints
ROPE: Bondage rope used to restrain or tie a submissive. Different types of rope are available in different sizes depending on the personal need
SAFEWORD: A pre-agreed upon word that will stop all play if said
SAINT ANDREWS CROSS: A cross in an “X” formation that has clasps and tethers to effectively restrain a submissive in varying ways
SCENE: General term for a “session” between a Dominant and a submissive where certain activities occur. Sometimes a “scene” is previously discussed and agreed upon and other times it is spontaneous
SENSORY PLAY: General term for any type of play that involves heightened or restricted senses – such as blindfold play, hot wax or ice
SHIBARI: The very intricate and beautiful art of Japanese rope bondage used not only to restrain but to create intricate designs with Japanese aesthetic. This practice leaves imprints on the body when the ropes are removed. Also See: KINBAKU
SPANKING: The act of striking a submissive with the palm of the hand, a paddle, flogger or other object as a means of discipline or punishment
SPREADER BAR: An object used to spread a submissive’s legs, arms or both by attaching cuffs along the bar at differing places
SSC: Acronym for Safe, Sane, and Consensual. Infers that those engaging in sexual bondage activities are being safe, are competent and all persons involved give consent
SUBMISSIVE: The submissive is controlled sexually, mentally and emotionally by the Dominant.
SUBSPACE: A mental state that a submissive reaches when they are deeply into a bondage scene and are reaching the highest states of freedom and sexual pleasure. A nearly hypnotic state
SUSPENSION PLAY: General term for bondage play that involves any suspension or hanging of the submissive. Can include sex swings, crosses, hanging spreader bars or wall or ceiling cuffs
SWITCH: A person who can easily transition between being a Dominant and a submissive
TETHERS: Used in conjunction with cuffs and other restraint devices, tethers are straps that can aid in restraint
TOP: In a bondage relationship, the “top” controls the action. In general, sexual terms, a top is the aggressor; in gay sexual terms, the “top” is the person doing the insertion
VANILLA: General term for those who engage in only standard sex
WAX: Special wax that melts at a lower temperature that can be drizzled on a submissive and then cooled to create differing sensations on the skin
WHIPPING: Much like spanking, whipping connotes a more drastic and oftentimes more painful type of spanking, usually with a flogger or whip