Dominating a partner in the bedroom can be extremely tricky, especially if you have not been the dominant partner. However, the rewards of experimenting with such play can be amazing! Many men really crave being a submissive partner to their lover – even if it is just occasionally – and others would prefer to always be the submissive partner. No matter what your personal situation is, learning how to dominate your man in bed takes practice for most women, as we are – very generally speaking – the more submissive gender.
Confidence Is Key: To dominate your partner sexually you absolutely, positively MUST be CONFIDENT! There is no bigger turn on than having the “playing Dominant” experience where the partner being dominant is, well, questioning herself, unsure of what to do, waivers in her ability to be dominant. To successfully be dominant in bed you MUST be confident! This means in your appearance, your sex appeal AND, most importantly, your ability to lead your partner and be dominant over him. Without the backbone of confidence it all falls apart quickly.
Speak With Authority: This goes hand in hand with confidence – you have to LEAD – not follow; DEMAND – not ask; be AUTHORITATIVE – not meek. You have to give your requests / demands as such, they are not optional. YOU are the DOMINANT and HE is the [s]UBMISSIVE. Period. When you are dominating your partner, your voice MUST reflect this position of power or the synergy falls apart.
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Have A Plan: For first time Dominants (or even just relatively new ones) you really do have to have a plan. You should think about how you want the night to go. What activities do you want to engage in, what do you want him to “do” for you, what props will you need (toys, restraints, blindfolds), and how you ultimately want to use your submissive. Having an idea of what you want to do will enable you to flow through the scene (night) without any stops or sense of wavering. This helps to present the confident and authoritative persona that is instrumental when you are the Dominant partner. Not every second has to be planned out, but there should be enough activities lined up so you do not make him wonder if you are really in charge or not.
Dress The Part: It is very important that you take the time and effort to dress the part of a Dominant. This can mean many different things – from full on “Bondage-type” costuming, to corsets and heels, to long skirts and high-heeled boots. The main aspect that you want to capture is sexiness. You need to feel sexy because when you feel sexy you will also feel confident. You need to be confident in your ability to engage your partner and entrance him with your sex appeal, and this then trickles down to your actions and how you will dominate. Being primped to the hilt is VERY important – hair, make-up, clothing, lingerie – be and feel as sexy as possible and that is the best way to start your first impression and set the tone of the night.
Make It About You: Being the Dominant partner means that you get to have what YOU want. This does not mean that your partner doesn’t get pleasure, he most definitely does, but it means that you can focus on yourself. Give him tasks that are about YOUR pleasure, take advantage of his willingness to submit to you, be creative in the way you achieve pleasure. If you want more oral sex – then take it! If you want to tease him – then do it! Do what makes YOU the most aroused and gives you the most pleasure. Your partner will get pleasure just by pleasing you.
Give Him Proper Aftercare: It matters not which partner is the Dominant – proper aftercare is a must. This means post play you need to pamper him, make him feel loved, make sure he is not hurt (physically) by anything that you may have engaged in. There should be cuddling and relaxing, as well as a sort of recap of what happened. Make sure he is feeling good about everything and ask if there is anything that needs to be changed.