Have you ever had a little fantasy about your lover tying you up, blindfolding you, and then doing the most deliciously naughty things to you? How about being handcuffed or tied to your dining room table naked? If you are interested in experimenting with bondage, but you have no idea if your partner would be into it, what do you do? How do you politely ask your lover, “hey, would you like to tie me up and take advantage of me on Friday?” Well, you COULD ask that way, and it may elicit a mixture of responses. Or, you could try to find a way to explain it better to make sure that he would be into it. All you have to do is ask – and then decide how to begin.
Let me begin by saying if you have a partner who has been, for lack of a better word, vanilla in bed without the slightest hint of kinkiness, you may want to tread lightly on the situation. Some people, either male or female, find absolutely no sexual or erotic value in bondage in any form. Some men in particular are sensitive to the notion that they are “forcing” their partners to engage in sexual activity because they are bound or restrained in some manner. The important thing to remember when bringing up your desire to engage in sexual bondage is that you CONSENT to the activity and more so are asking for it!
New to bondage? Read BDSM Dictionary
Also, for some men this is a very hard subject to breach because it may feel like they are asking to be, well, the “weaker” partner in bed. This is not the case at all! Being the submissive partner (the one being tied) can be extremely erotic for even the manliest men – and this is sort of the point, right? Putting him in a position that is a bit out of the norm.
One more thought, if you have a very, very deep desire to engage in bondage and you know your partner does not have even an inkling of the same desire, you may want to consider how happy your sex life will be without these activities. If you are with a new partner, and he shows resistance to this type of play, you will have to evaluate whether you want to continue with a sexual relationship. You may like this person enough to give up these activities, or you may decide to find someone who shares your line of thinking. Either way it is up to you to choose who will make you the most sexually fulfilled.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE: An effective way to bring up your desire to engage in bondage is to try some easy and flirty restraining ON HIM / HER. You can tie his hands to the headboard and give him a powerful blowjob while he is helpless to stop you. You can undo this tie and use it to bind his hands behind him, leading him to the bedroom. You can use her nylons to restrain her hands and show her just how fun it is to be restrained. The point is, show your partner how sexy, fun and erotic bondage can be and then ask if your partner would like to try on you! If he / she has found it sexually exciting then they may be willing to try. However, if it was an uncomfortable experience perhaps the opposite roll will be better suited. Either way this is a fun and easy way to bring up the topic.
DINNER DISCUSSIONS: Sometimes the best place and time to discuss sensitive matters is in a neutral setting like over dinner, on a walk or, even, in an e-mail. For some women asking for sexual bondage can be a bit scary because it seems “taboo” and naughty and we are unsure of our partner’s reactions. Similarly, a man asking his woman can be equally as daunting. Having an honest and frank discussion outside of the bedroom where we can say, “You know honey, I would really like to try having oral sex while tied to the headboard.” Or, “I think it would be really hot if we experimented with bondage, the idea really excites me!” There are thousands of ways to have “the talk” but the most important thing to remember is that you want to explain your thoughts, desires and fantasies while also realizing that he / she may not go for it. IF he / she shows resistance find out WHY? Is he afraid to hurt you? Is he not sexually aggressive enough? Is she afraid to be that vulnerable? Does it turn him off? Depending on these answers and your desires you can perhaps come to a compromise, agree to give it a shot or decide it is not at all for the two of you. If that happens, then you may have to decide how to proceed in the relationship.
Final thoughts….. the most important thing to remember is that sexual fantasies are things that we desire, but not necessarily NEED. However, in the realm of sexual bondage that desire to experiment can be very, very hard to negate. If this is the case with you, then experimenting with bondage may be the only way to quench that need. Ultimately, you will have to decide whether you want to risk a relationship on this activity. Or, if you try it with your partner and you love it; but he hates it, you may have even more decisions to make. In any or all cases, being sexually happy is an important part of a relationship, so you owe it to both of you to try.